For me, Psalm 139 is an amazing love story that reads like my inside voice; speaking affirmations to the special place that God has reserved for me in his heart and thoughts. I read this and I am filled with confidence that I am special to God, that his love for me is personal, knows no bounds and existed before I ever had a thought to serve him. However; while being fully convinced of the sentiments shared in this Psalm, there are moments when I am alone and confronted with my imperfections, I feel as though God’s affection towards me is conditional. I have found myself fighting with the anxiety and depression that comes from being a failure before God; wearing the same shame that I imagine Adam had when hiding his nakedness. (Am I the only one?) Well, the author of this Psalm was described as being “after God’s own heart” but if you were to take snapshots of his life, you would have difficulty distinguishing his moral compass from any of the “bad guys” mentioned in the scriptures. While of David’s most heartfelt writings came on the heals of his lowest moments spiritually, they illustrate the fact that David burned into his mind the fact that 1. nothing was or is hidden from God and 2. in light of all of David’s past present and future imperfections, God wanted nothing less than to be the closest thing to him. Today I am no different than David; adored by God flaws and all. Isaiah 59 in short says that our sins separate us from God, but in Romans 3 the bible tells us that we are justified through faith. Once I became a Christian, participating in the rebirth described in Romans 6:4, I am no longer a captive to the sin. But while Christ is now interceding on my behalf (Rom. 8:34) I am brought back to my initial confession, feeling like Adam and hiding from a God who is calling my name, who only wants to be the closes thing to me. The lie is that as Christians our sin moves God away from us. In reality it is our belief in that lie and the resulting shame that causes us to hide from God. When I believe the lie, I cower in corners as God sends people in my life that can help me shake my sin, my prayer life is mediocre at best because I am too ashamed to have more than a shallow conversation with God. Reading my bible?!? of course not, why be faced with the truth. BUUUTTT when I remember the truth, that I am more than a conqueror, that God stitched me together, sparing no expense to rescue me I am energized and ready to go. So the challenge is simple, Deut. 11:18 “fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds”. The amazing thing about God is that he is ready to fight both for and with me. I have to be David and grow my confidence in God’s love so big that the Goliaths of sin, fear and insecurity don’t send me cowering in shame but send me to a waiting father for the ammunition to overcome.
“If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.